lafindboy's Fragments

just thought I'd post some poems and such.

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Location: United Kingdom

overweight, toothless, and happy

Monday, April 24, 2006

The Joke


I have spent the last four years
Being poked and prodded
By doctors and nurses
Most of who are genuinely pleasant people
My family has a lot of nurses in it
Sisters
Nieces
Nephews
In-laws
I know that they work hard
And it is not always easy
Bad backs are common among nurses
Long shifts and much overtime
But they have to put this aside
For the sake of the patient
And be cheerful
As a patient
I feel as though I have the same obligation
My discomfort or pain
Is not their fault
And if they have to poke about a bit
To find a vein
I’ll stand the unpleasantness
And I will make happy conversation
While they struggle
I say things like
I don’t have very easy veins to find
That’s one of the two reasons that I am not a heroin addict
What is the other reason?
They ask
I answer…
Fear of commitment


They laugh while they search
Needle first
Sometimes they try in both arms
Once they tried both arms
And then went for a vein in my hand
I know it is necessary
Leukaemia is like that
It lies dormant thanks to the chemo
But they always have to check
Because
One day it will wake up
And go to the next phase
They don’t know when
They don’t know how
But they know
And they monitor regularly
By taking my marrow and my blood
Needle
After
Needle
Visit
After
Visit
If I get a new nurse
I always tell them the joke I made up
I say
I’ve had more pricks
Than Marilyn Monroe
At
A Kennedy family reunion




























Snow


I loved playing outside
When I was boy
In Texas
The yard was a wonderful place
There were
Lizards
Toads
Caterpillars
Bees
Wasps
Fire Ants
Plagues of Crickets
Locusts
Mosquitoes
There were
Scorpions
Spiders
Snakes
It was wonderful
The sun was hot
You could fry an egg
(We did it)
On the sidewalk
That was life
As a boy
In Texas
Then
One day
One year
It snowed
The world was cold and white
And you could play in it
Slide on it
Roll it
Throw it
Build it
Dig it
What a treat
Then the sun did its’ thing
And it all
Melted
Away
Same day
I think that was
The first time
That
I felt…
Something was missing
The world was a much bigger place
And
There was snow in it!








Thursday, April 13, 2006

Should You?


Should you let
Not having anything interesting
Relevant
Insightful
Particularly Truthful
Humorous
Unique
Instructive
Constructive
Enlightening
Uplifting
Or
Even
Understandable
Stop you
From
Writing?
Fuck No!!
But it should stop
Others
From
Reading
So go on
Give it your best shot
Even if it is all bullshit
Nonsense
Puerile
Even if it’s all been said
Already
Better than you ever could
Say it
Say it anyway
Let it all out
Let it breathe fresh air
See the light of day
Let them laugh
Let them see you stumble
Then
Pick yourself up
And
Do it again
It ain’t for them
Anyway
It’s about
Just doing it
Not about glory
Not about reward
Not about anything
That’s the point
Nothing glorious happened
Nothing rewardable happened
Nothing to be proud about
Just the things that happened
How you saw them
How you see them now
And then
The End





Prayer to a Might Be God


Yahweh Yahweh
Allah Allah
Dei Dei
Lordy Lordy
Oh Hurdy Gurdy
Please
Put the
Mumbo Jumbo
On the
Hurly Burly
Cause
I have
The Heebie Jeebies
In my
Curly Worly
Oh Holy Moly
Gimmee Gimmee Gimmee
Ahora Por Favor
Mama Mia
Grazzi Grazzi Grazzi
Mea Culpa
Mea Culpa
Mea Maxima Culpa
Tu est Tuto
Yo soy nada
Por Favor
Porque No?
Amen
(Sorry to bother ya)

Airborne


The morning I stopped getting up for Reveille
My platoon sergeant
A fat man in charge of the motorpool
Came into the hooch
Yelling at me to get up
I was awake but pretending to be asleep
He stood by my bunk and shouted
Then
He kicked me
Like most of us there
I slept with my rifle next to me
And I came up out of the bunk fast
Rifle in hand and yelling
He ran out of the hooch
I put down the rifle
And got back in my bunk
Waiting for whatever was coming next
A few minutes later
They came in
The Colonel
The Captain
The Sergeant Major
The First Sergeant
And the fat little fucker that had kicked me
There were others behind them
But they didn’t matter
I was ordered out of my bunk
I got out
They had taken my rifle
I didn’t mind about that
The Colonel said that I was in serious trouble now
I told them that I only did what I had been trained to do
I told them that I had been asleep
In Vietnam
In a dangerous place
And that while I was sleeping
I was attacked
I was kicked
And I had reacted instinctively
By grabbing my rifle
Yelling loud
But all I saw
Was a fat man running away
So I put down the rifle
And went back to sleep
Then I reminded them that this morning
Was the day I am longer in the Army
I had given them my notice
But that I still retained the right
To defend myself
The Colonel asked the fat man if he had kicked me
He was too shocked and stupid to deny it
In front of many witnesses
He admitted his attack
I was ordered to remain in the hooch
They left en-masse
And they took my M-16 with them
I lay on my bunk
All I could think was
Well…here we go again..
It begins

I was the talk of the company
Some of the guys thought I was cool
Taking a stand against the war
Most of us over there were draftees
Sent involuntarily to face the dragon
And counting backwards to the day
That we would re-enter the world
Reclaim our lives
I wasn’t one of those guys though
I had volunteered for the army
I had volunteered for Vietnam
I wanted to see the truth of it for myself
And I had seen the truth
For myself
I didn’t feel that I was a part of some big protest movement
Just that I had seen what I came to see
The truth of the place
And
Me

Meanwhile I was confined to the hooch
Which was a tent with a wooden floor
There were thousands of them all over the post
The post held twenty thousand men
Engineers
Artillery
Communications
Airborne Infantry
Hundreds of helicopters
Mechanics
Cooks
Doctors
Clerks
A city made for occupation and war
Surrounded by wire

At night I would leave the hooch
Walk out to the perimeter
Meet my friends
Smoke pot
Talk about everything
About home
About the war
About music
I heard about Frisco
Los Angeles
Cincinnati
Cleveland
And lots of other places
I never talked about home
I had stopped writing home by then
And didn’t think about it much
All I could think about was where I was
And what I had to do

Sometimes after getting high
I would walk back to the company
And head for the day room
On the way there I would stop by the mess hall
We had Mexican cooks
And they were cool people
They give me sandwiches and chocolate milk
Then I would watch them make bread
Huge silver bowls filled with flour
And hundreds of little bugs trying to crawl out
But sliding down the smooth sides of the bowel
Destined to be eaten
The cooks laughed when I pointed this out
Don’t worry kevin…they said
Eat your sandwich
I did

There was one guy working with them
That wasn’t a Mexican
They called him Airborne
Johnny Airborne
I called him that too
Even though I knew it wasn’t his name
But I did get to know his story
He was with the 82nd
He was combat infantry
Listed as Missing in Action
But he was hiding out with our cooks
Living in their hooch
Working in their kitchen
You could tell that he had gone crazy
But it didn’t matter
He was happy where he was
And he was never going back
He’d seen too much
Done too much
And he finally
Had seen and done
Enough

One day the cooks got a new sergeant
The old one had done his time
Got his promotion
And was going stateside
Happy with the promise of a better pension
A lot of the lifers went to Nam
Just to get the rank
So they could retire on better money
So off he went
And in came the new guy
He confronted Johnny Airborne
Airborne wasn’t on his roster
Airborne wouldn’t tell him his real name
All Airborne had to say for himself was
I am Johnny Airborne
All the cooks would say was
He is Johnny Airborne
The new Mess Sergeant was angry
He told Johnny Airborne that
In the morning
He would get to the bottom of it all
Then he left
Went to the hooch where the company sergeants lived
And got drunk
And went to sleep
To dream about promotion I guess

I was in the day room
Sleeping under the pool table
Some cats were playing pool
And listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival
There were ten or fifteen of us there
Some stoned
All laughing
Except me
It was late
I was asleep
But I have always been a light sleeper
So I heard the commotion when it happened
Now the day room is just another hooch
Where you can hang out and play pool
A gift from a thoughtful army
To the enlisted men
There was a door either end of the single room
That each led out to the company compound
Well one door flew open
I was instantly awake
All I saw were feet
One pair running
I heard Airborne’s voice ask
Do I smell like gasoline?
Then lots of voices saying
Fuck yeah man
What the fuck did you do?
But Airborne was already running out the other door
There was yelling and screaming coming from outside
Bells were ringing
Commotion and panic in the air
Suddenly the door flew open again
Officers and sergeants
Some in their underwear
Came barging in
Yelling
Who just ran in here?
Who was that?
Nobody knew
He went that that way
Then one of them saw me
Lying under the pool table
Who is that?
Come out of there!
I came out
How long has he been there?
They asked
Everybody answered almost at once
All night
They looked at me
They smelled me
They asked what I was doing
Hiding under the pool table
I wasn’t hiding
I was sleeping
What did you see?
Feet

They knew it wasn’t me
But they knew that I knew
But then they left
In a hurry
In pursuit of the unknown arsonist
The sergeant’s hooch was ablaze
No one was hurt
But they knew that someone wanted someone
Dead
Before he left
The Sergeant Major looked at me
And told me to get back to my hooch
I was still under house arrest
For quitting the army
And threatening a sergeant
With my M-16
I went back
Laid down
And thought to myself
This is a crazy place
The next day
Most of the sergeants kept a low profile
They would hang around together
Mostly in the mess hall
When they did venture out
They were friendly but distant
The Mess Sergeant didn’t even hassle
Johnny Airborne
When he brought them coffee
There was a strange peace in the air
The sergeant’s hooch was rebuilt
But moved a little further from the Officers hooch
Than it was before
I was asleep when I was gently shaken
I opened my eyes
It was the Sergeant Major
He wanted to talk with me
He spoke softly
He wanted me to come outside
Alone
He had something he wanted to talk about
I told him he was fucking nuts
If he thought I was going anywhere
In the middle of the night
Alone
With him or anyone else
I reminded him that I was now unarmed
And that frankly
I didn’t trust him
Again he said that he just wanted to talk
I told him that I would not go out there
Alone
He said ok
I could bring somebody with me
But that it was a private conversation
I agreed

I woke up my buddy Vince
He was six and a half feet tall
From New York City
He had wild animals tattooed on his arms
I told him what was happening
And that I wanted him with me
He got up
Got dressed
Armed himself
And we went outside
The Sergeant Major was waiting…Alone
We walked a short distance
While Vince waited
I know you didn’t try to kill anyone
The Sergeant Major said
But I know that you know who did
I kept quiet and listened
We don’t want any trouble here
He said
We all just want to do our time and go home
The sergeants want this shit over
They didn’t sign up for this
What’s this got to do with me?
I asked
I’m not in the army anymore… remember?
I am here with a proposition
And I chose you because you came to me
First of all
And I know that you will do the right thing
This will help you too
If you help us
I won’t tell you anything
I said
I don’t want you to
He said
Then what is it that you want
I asked
Then he told me

In order to get back to normal
They were going to announce
That if whoever did this turned themselves in
They would be given a medical discharge
And sent home immediately
They would appoint an officer to investigate
And when he had determined
Who had done this
That person would be on their way
Home
No trial
Hospital
Then home
What they wanted from me
Was to tell the person responsible
That they were telling the truth
Would I do that for them?
Are you telling the truth
I asked
Goddammit M......
He said
We want that fucker out of here
That’s all
Will you talk to him?
Yes
I said
I would
But I couldn’t guarantee that he would believe it
He shook my hand and walked away
I told Vince what was said
Vince asked what I was going to do
Go see Johnny Airborne
I said
We went to the Mexican hooch
And we sat with Airborne and the Mexicans
And told them what had happened
The Mexicans were all for it
Airborne asked if I thought they were telling the truth
I told him they were scared
It was the Headquarters Company
Of an Engineer battalion
And that yes I thought they were telling the truth
But that he would have to make up his own mind
Take his own chances
Then Vince and I left
We smoked a joint outside the hooch
This place is crazy
Vince said
Yeah
I said
Then we went inside
I lay down on my bunk
I couldn’t wait for morning
The next day the announcement was made
Everyone knew
The offer was real
They appointed a lieutenant to investigate
There must have been fifty people
Lined up outside his office
All confessing to being the arsonist
All demanding to be sent home
Or they would try again
And again

When Airborne walked in to face the lieutenant
And told his story
The search was over
He was gone that day
And I never saw him again
Or ever knew his real name
























Butter



She buttered the bread
When she made my sandwich
Other mothers did not
They were American
She was not
Other mothers
And I had see many
Never buttered the bread
They had mayonnaise
Mustard
Relish
Lettuce
Tomatoes
We had these things too
Sometimes
But she always buttered the bread
It was like my sandwiches
Were coming out of the past
Somewhere
Across the ocean
Where protocols were different
And butter was important
Bread and butter
Sometimes
That was the whole sandwich
We are each separated from the present
By our pasts
Small differences
That manifest
The vast distances
That lay between us
They said Tomayto
She said Tomahto
I walked the thin line
Wondering
Now
Sometimes
How
Life might have turned out different
How would I see the world
It she hadn’t
Buttered the bread
Or a thousand other subtle
Innocent
Thoughtful
Thoughtless
Wonderful
And
Sometimes
Terrible
Things
That kept us outside
The circle
That surrounded
Us
My father was just the same
He sang songs
That were old and far away
From a different time and place
And told stories of
India
Pakistan
Germany
And all the other places
He had been
In twenty-one years
As a soldier
He told us about being a boy
One of twelve children
Of an Irish family
Growing up in Salford
Joining the British Army in 1928
Just for a new pair of shoes
My folks had a wider perspective than most
Experiences that few shared
In this new country
The history I learned at school
Shallow and narrow
Was broadened by what I learned
By
Listening to them
Those times are gone now
The world is a much smaller place
I live now
Where my folks once lived
And people wear jeans
Baseball hats
Drink Coca-Cola
Eat Big Macs
And a million other things
That are done the same
All the world over
I am so glad
Now
That
She buttered the bread

The Factory


The Factory
I got a job
Once
In a factory
That made wiring systems for Ford
The work was horrible
But the people were OK
My job was to stand in place
Along with many others
While a conveyer belt
Moving in a great circle
Carried huge boards
Dotted with coloured nails
Past us
One after the other
There were maybe twenty people
Standing around that circle
And there were maybe thirty circles
And we all had coloured wires
That we looped around the nails
The boards moved fast
And we had to move fast too
To keep up
You’d grab your first wire
Loop it round the nails of the same colour
Then grab the next wire
Loop it round the nails of the next colour
And on and on
Till you were done
And by that time
If you were fast enough
The next board was moving past
And it started all over again
I was slow at first
And I had to move into the next person’s space
It was a nightmare
And I had visions of myself
Running round the great circle
Frantically trying to match wire to pin
I got better as time went on
And I joined in the chatter that was constant
All around me
Some of those people had been there
Wire to pin
For years
And they knew when the foreman
Was adjusting the speed of the belt
Past union regulations
In order to fill orders
I didn’t know about such things
I just knew it was a hell of a way
To make
Money
Two ten minute breaks
Half an hour for lunch
Then on your feet
At the circle
Grab your first wire
And start chasing the board
Nine-hour shifts
And
Mandatory overtime

On my twelfth day there
I was hitch-hiking a ride to work
Thinking that food and shelter
Weren’t worth the cost
And wondering why people actually
Would put themselves though this shit
For
Money
A friend of mine
That I hadn’t seen for years
Picked me up
I told him where I was going
He looked at me like I was already dead
He and I had gone to school together
Dated the same girl once
Had a lot of fun
Were in Nam at the same time
In different places
So we shared a lot together
We had history
He was the one
Who dragged me from the railroad tracks
When I was insane on a cocktail
of
Vodka and grief
Shortly after my father died
We were fifteen
And the train was getting close
But I never
Held that against him

He handed me two purple tablets
Purple double-dome acid
Then he asked me if I was sure
About going to work
I said I was
He told me where he was going
And that I could join him
I declined
I was making the grand sacrifice
That all
Normal people make
I was turning over a new leaf
Mending my ways
Taking responsibility
I put the acid in my pocket
And clocked in
Went to the circle
Feet in the right place
Hands just right
Ready
Set
Go
During my first ten-minute break
I dropped a tab of the acid
Half an hour later
I was laughing
At the wires
At the board
At the circle
At the people
At myself
I walked away
Still laughing
And headed for the door
Later I was at a friends place downtown
There were a lot of others there
Laughing and listening to music
I had stopped laughing by then
And it started to rain outside
I walked out on to the porch
And sat down on the wall
And watched the rain
It got heavier and heavier
And the wind began to blow
Hard and fast
The sounds inside the house
Disappeared in the wind and rain
And the drops got bigger and bigger
The street started to flood
Lightening started
And thunder so loud it was like cannon fire
There was a song in my head
By the Guess Who
"Oh Mother Nature’s taking over
Oh Splendid Lady’s come to call"
It wasn’t exactly a pivotal moment for me
But it was something that I will never forget
And
Something I can barely remember






The Funny Thing


I have
Leukaemia
Sciatica
A prolapsed disc in my neck
Hepatitis C
Eight teeth left
Tinnitus
Cataracts in both eyes
Psoriasis
Chronic fatigue
Sleeping problems
No wife
No girlfriend
A rented flat with high rent
Very few friends
A van that is owned by someone else
A tenuous and limited income
No pot
No hash
No money in the bank
Four sisters
Three brothers
A mother
An ex-wife
A daughter
Two grandchildren
Four thousand miles between the past and The present
No real purpose
And
The funny thing is
At this point in time
I have never had it so good

What Next

When I was a boy
At the Catholic school
I served the Mass
It was in Latin back then
And I loved the sound of the words
I knew what they meant
And I followed the sacrament
From dough to deity
From water and wine to blood
And I felt a part of something precious
In me
In everything
Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve
Sacrifice at Lent
Joy at Easter
I was given First Communion
I was Confirmed
I followed the Stations of the Cross
And wept at His pain
And
I believed
I confessed
I did penance
I was reborn
Again
And
Again

I walked the miles in winter
Through the snow
In the dark hours of early morning
To the convent
Where the nuns were cloistered
Where they baked the hosts
Where the old priest passed communion
Through the darkened screen
To the unseen holy faces
There was hot chocolate left by the door
I sang in the choir
And it was wonderful
Like angels in heaven
I was told the stories of all the saints
How they died dreadfully
I learned of all the good things that they did
I learned of their humility
I learned of their courage
I wanted their faith
I wanted their hope
I wanted His love
The priests would come to the classroom sometimes
And invite questions
I wanted to learn
So I read the testaments
Old and new
And came ready with questions
But the answers always came down to one thing
It is a mystery
And my questions beat themselves against the wall
And I was told to
Have faith

I grew older
And tired of ceremony and ritual
I saw past the language
Past the robes
Past the incense
Past the building
I saw the holy people
As
Just people
And they disappointed me
I saw the holy people
And their congregations
And I knew then
That I finally understood
Who had really died on that cross
And
Who had killed him
My faith was nailed to the cross
And no resurrection in sight
Much later
I saw their faith with my own eyes
I couldn’t blame them
The whole world wants
Something to believe in
I spent years mourning my lack of faith
And then celebrating the same thing
I opened my eyes and mind
To other beliefs
Buddhism
Hinduism
Atheism
Islam
All I found was people
Wanting to believe
And destined to never understand
Socrates once said that
The beginning of wisdom
Is knowing that
You know nothing
Well that’s me in a nutshell
I am not saying that there is no truth
No morality
No hope
All I am saying is that
Ceremony
Ritual
And a funny hat
Doesn’t make a person
Worth following
Most of the beliefs that people hold
Were set out centuries ago
By people who knew little of the real world
Even now we are still learning
And we have measured the universe
From the sub-atomic
To the celestial
And it is all
Finite
Shakespeare
Whoever he was
Referred to death
As the undiscovered country
From whose borne
No traveller returns
If death is endless sleep
Or nirvana or heaven comes next
Or cruel judgement
I don’t know
And
I don’t care
This is the life
This is the gift
This is the time
I will miss knowing what happens next
I feel sorry for all the souls
Who died before
They found out who shot JR
All life is finite
All light becomes darkness
Big Bang
To
Big Crunch
And perhaps
Big Bang
Again and again
Who knows?
When my darkness comes
I will be ready
When all memory of me fades
(and it won’t take long)
the world and the universe that contains it
will go on
for a time
then
who knows?
Not me
I’ll let others worry the matter
Ad infinitum
Or at least until
It all goes cold
And
Dark

I understand why people
Need mystery
Why they see ghosts
Why they see angels
Weeping Madonna’s
Why they need a spirit world
Why they want that mansion in the sky
Why they kill and die for Allah
Why the Crusades happened
True believers can justify anything
I understand
Why people do good deeds
And Jesus was right
Charity is the greatest virtue
John Lennon was right too
All you need is love
Samuel Clemens once said
I have seen the world
And it hates each other
We have followed our creeds
And murdered millions
Well
I will not follow
Even though
It is a mystery
I know that I don’t know
And that’s enough for me
Besides
I am not afraid of the dark

The parable of the Prodigal Son
Isn’t about sin
Or redemption
It isn’t about forgiveness either
It’s just about
The pain that comes to all of us in this life
And the love
That is our comfort and salvation
There is no mystery in that
Not for me
And although I am alone
I know that I am
Somehow
Saved by love
And I will carry that thought with me
Into the darkness
Whatever
Comes
Next














Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Essay on Antigone



Antigone



Antigone is the daughter of Oedipus the late King of Thebes. She is one of four children born to the late King out of an incestuous but unwitting marriage with his own mother. His tragic tale is told elsewhere. Eteocles and Polyneices, Antigone’s two brothers, have gone to war over which of them should have sole rule over Thebes. Both brothers die in the battle at each other’s hand. Antigone brings her sister Ismene to a secluded place and together mourn their loss and their own tragic lives. Antigone informs her sister that their uncle Creon, who now rules Thebes, has declared that Eteocles is to be buried with full ceremony and honors. But Polyneices, who first brought civil war to the kingdom, was to be left to rot on the battlefield. He was to have no ceremony, no burial, and no prayers. His body was to be left on the battlefield to be eaten by wild animals.
Creon has declared this fate publicly. Anyone violating this ruling will be put to death. But Antigone tells her sister that she can not in good conscience abide by this ruling. So she determines to find her brother’s body and pray over him and bury him according to the mandates of the Gods.
Antigone asks her sister’s help in this undertaking. But Ismene, although hurt and grieved by the ruling, will not help her. She will not go against the ruling of the King. Ismene, although sympathetic to her sister’s cause, doesn’t have the strength, as a mere woman, to defy the King. To her women are "not framed by nature to contend with men." So one sister reluctantly obeys the law of the land, the other answers to a higher law and goes in search of her brother’s body. Antigone knows full well that defiance of the ruling will mean her death, but a life of guilt and shame for abandoning her beliefs and her duty is not, for her, an option.
Creon has posted guards near the body of Polyneices to insure that his ruling is obeyed. These men discover Antigone while she is performing the ceremonial burial of her brother. They bring her before Creon. She defends her actions by declaring that she is obeying eternal laws of right and wrong that override the laws of man. Creon declares that she is to be entombed alive in a rock-hewn chamber.
Creon’s son and heir, Haemon, is betrothed to Antigone and is her beloved. He, while declaring his respect and love and obedience to his father, pleads for his father to change his mind and take back his rulings in this matter. Haemon’s pleas for his beloved’s life fall on deaf ears and he departs from his father with the threat that he will die alongside his true love. Creon is determined to see his decisions through to their end. He is the King of Thebes and will not let others dictate to him. He is unconcerned that his own judgement is being questioned by the people of Thebes. "What", he asks his son, "Is the mob to dictate my policy?" It is his fate to rule and, right or wrong, he will do just that.
Teiresias, the seer of the court of Thebes, comes to Creon with advice. Teiresias is old and has played an important part in the ongoing story of the troubled royal family of Thebes. He is the one who warns them of the fates that lie in wait for them. He is the family oracle or prophet whose advice they should pay close attention to.
Teiresias reminds Creon that, with his help, Creon has "steered the Ship of State aright". But that now Teresias believes that Creon "treadest once again the razor edge of peril". He tells Creon that these decisions that he has made are against the laws of the Gods and that he Creon will pay a heavy price for usurping power that he has no right to. Creon repents and, with his guards, sets out to free Antigone from her living tomb.
But Haemon has beaten him to the place of Antigone’s entombment and has found that she has hung herself within. He is heartbroken and enraged. Creon and his guards arrive and find the tomb unsealed. When Creon enters he finds his son beside the dead Antigone and tries to console him. But Haemon will not hear Creons words and, like a wild man, spits on his father and tries to cut him with his sword. Haemon misses his father and in his grief he impales himself and dies alongside Antigone.
Eurydice, Creon’s wife, having heard the news of her son’s death also kills herself and dies cursing Creon as the one responsible for the tragedies.
Creon, returning to the palace, learns of his dear wife’s suicide and laments. He realises that he alone is responsible, through his own judgements and will, for the deaths of his loved ones.
The final chorus sums up the moral of the play:
"Of happiness the chiefest part
Is a wise heart:
And to defraud the gods in aught
With peril's fraught.
Swelling words of high-flown might
Mightily the gods do smite.
Chastisement for errors past
Wisdom brings to age at last."



There are many different themes in Antigone from which to choose a central, or most important, one. There are the themes of Religion vs The State, Family Loyalty vs. The State, Politics and the use of Power, Gender, Love, Fate, and Individual Conscience. There are also Pride, Anger, Fear, Betrayal and the contradictory nature of "The Mob". All these human ideas and qualities interact and, in turn, reveal themselves to us. Most importantly they reveal our very nature and condition, to us. Essential to our humanity is the concept of the individual and the gifts and burdens that go hand in hand with such a blessing.
A very interesting aspect of the play, to me, is the way the Gods intervene in specific lives and, with careless abandon, leave the rest of humanity to ride out the storms that their interventions have encouraged. Plagues, war, and countless other difficulties are heaped upon the innocent, almost always including the main characters in tragic ironies and contradictions, with little or no explanation from the Gods.
Anigone, while not the specific target of the ill-humored Gods, is drawn into the tragedy as an innocent. She herself was not mentioned in the portents that the Gods bestowed upon the sighted ones. Her warnings come from those who love her, those she loves, and those that would do her harm while attending to their own particular interests. The only interventions made on her behalf come from those who love her, and those who would warn the King that he himself was in danger of angering the Gods by his aggressive pursuit of his dictates. But she herself has no direct information from the Gods in any way. She only has her own conscience to follow, which she does with great resignation, hope, and courage.
She stands alone against the ultimate earthly power with only her conscience and her heart to guide her. She defies the power of the King, the State, and even the loving pleas of her sister and determines to bury her brother. She does this because the Gods have declared, from time eternal, that people should be prepared, with love and dignity, through specific ritual, for their passage into the next life in order to find peace there. For anyone to neglect this familial duty, in defiance of the Gods, is unthinkable to her. And "The Mob" knows this too. The State had overstepped its natural boundary and interfered with a higher law.

But Antigone is brave and determined. She could never be satisfied with just knowing the right and wrong of a thing. Her only course of action is action itself. Not for her to be silent and suffer through her life with the knowledge of the crushing wrong that has been done to her loved one. Nor could she live with herself in the eyes of the eternal, the Gods and the Dead, knowing that she had failed in her duty. So while "The Mob", knowing in their hearts that she is acting for something much higher and more important than mere politics or pride, stands dumb and passive, she herself takes action.
She does not do this covertly. She makes a public display of her action. There is no other way. Her brother’s body is guarded so that no person may perform the necessary rituals to which all the dead are entitled. She knows her fate and meets it, knowing that she has lived a proper life. She is the ultimate truth of the human condition. The Gods are The Gods, The State is The State, but the only true measure of an individual’s life is conscience.
This woman suffered much. Her tragic family life, from the moment of her conception, destined her to exile and heartache. She carried stigmas, endured hardships, and made the ultimate sacrifice in order to live a proper life. And she did it with and for love.
Some who look at this play see it as being about Civil Disobedience. Well it is. But it is much more that that. Some might see it as being about the unbending, aggressive, impulsive, and ultimately regrettable pursuit and use of power. Well it is. But it is much more than that also. I believe this story’s most important theme is the challenge that befalls every individual to struggle with life’s iniquities and conundrums and to somehow determine the right course of action and, no matter the consequence, proceed accordingly.
Henry David Thoreau once said that, "Any man more right than his neighbors constitutes a majority of one". This is the position in which Antigone finds herself. The State is against her because she will not put aside her beliefs, forgo her familial obligations, give in to her fears, or admit that The State and it’s laws supersede her own individual conscience. She is no rebel and no terrorist. She seeks no power or position. Hers is a life of long suffering devotion to those she loves, and her strength is to not abandon her beliefs.
There are many examples throughout time where the values and ideas expressed in this play have found expression in historical reality. The early Christian martyrs, five centuries later, who walked into the coliseum and certain death, could have no trouble identifying with Antigone. To value a belief or an idea more than life itself is essential to the very nature of humanity. To suffer insult and indignity for one’s beliefs or ideas, or indeed for ones sex, color, age, or demeanor is certainly not restricted to any particular time and place.

Governments, like Creon, often act rashly and aggressively. This is to be expected. The State must be seen to act decisively and in full measure. But States are rarely plagued by conscience. That is the arena of the individual.
There were many people in America who disagreed with the war in Vietnam. Some, guided by conscience, defied the States efforts to send them there to fight for what they saw as an unjust war. Some, guided by religious beliefs, refused the governments efforts to involve them in any war. The concept of the "Conscientious Objector" is a tribute to our democracy. The States power over the individual, especially in matters of religion and conscience, are limited. Even those who could not prove their case were given the same choice, though not as dire, as Antigone. They could opt for prison terms in lieu of military service.
There is no guarantee, when you allow your conscience to guide you in life, that the road will be a pleasant one. Often conscience will pit you against your friends and neighbors. Like the civil rights activists during the turbulent post-war period, whole communities may rise against you. Like the women who marched for equality and sufferance in the late 19th and early 20th centuries you may find yourself the object of ridicule and scorn. But to live without regard to conscience is not to be human at all.
Each individual’s conscience is their own domain. I would not like to infer that every person who follows their conscience would always take the same side or the same actions. This is certainly not the case at all. Sometimes wars are justly fought. The defence of one’s self, family, friends, and community is rarely impeded by a troublesome conscience. But there are times when family, friends, and community make demands that conscience will not abide. Not every person goes with the mob. Some, like Antigone, stand apart and hold to their own agenda.
Like Creon, modern governments can sometimes over-react to perceived challenges to their power and authority. They can make and un-make laws that irrationally contravene long held ideals. To oppose the government on these issues may, by some, be seen as seditious. Creon himself states that:
"… he who overbears the laws, or thinks
To overrule his rulers, such as one
I never will allow. Whome'er the State
Appoints must be obeyed in everything,
But small and great, just and unjust alike."

One area that I would like to mention as an example of the relevance of the play in modern times is this: Creon, to establish his power as newly appointed King, makes an edict that defies the beliefs that are at the very heart of the kingdom that he has inherited. The people know that he has done something horribly wrong. But he is the King and they are pledged to obey the law.
Due to the catastrophic events of 9/11, and the subsequent wars that we are presently engaged in, some of our most fundamental beliefs are being challenged, not solely by our enemies, but also by our own State. Liberties and Freedoms that generations have fought, and died, to establish and maintain are under attack. For our leaders to condone, excuse, or even to passively neglect the abuses that have occurred to people who we have taken prisoner is to undermine the efforts and sacrifices that have been made by every generation of citizens. If we go to war to protect our ideals, then those ideals must be our strongest weapon.
When the State goes to war in order to defend the ideals that define it, and to share those ideals with others that might benefit from them, there is no excuse for abandoning them abroad or undermining them at home. There may be some safety in turning a blind eye while the State chisels away at deeply held beliefs and ideals, or discards them completely, but safety itself is no real excuse. Antigone is one who would rather die a noble death than live dishonorably by abandoning those beliefs that she holds more precious than life itself.
Humanity has progressed in many ways since the time of Sophocles, but we are still human after all. We have forged democracies and have made human rights a cornerstone of the modern world. We have hammered treaties concerning the treatment of prisoners, domestic and foreign, and have faced many perils in upholding and enforcing those treaties. For any State to consciously attempt to undermine or circumvent those achievements is shameful.
We have always attempted to be the shining light of Freedom and Liberty to the world. This is a noble effort and I am sure that most of the worlds’ people will ultimately benefit from our struggle. But our actions must reflect our ideals. Our treatment of those we hold in prisons, who should be receiving counsel, care, contact with loved ones and fair and open justice, should demonstrate openly to the world the goodness of our intentions and the strengths our ideals.
Creon did not very much like the idea of appearing weak to the world around him, so he over reacted to a perceived threat and, eventually, paid a dear price for his rashness. Rather than demonstrating strength he demonstrated his own personal weakness of character. Rather than showing his compassion and understanding he opted to use his power in a cruel and thoughtless manner.
This play gives us much to think about and it is as relevant today as it was in antiquity. There are many themes contained in its’ few pages and, like all great works of art, never ceases to reveal more of itself each time it is viewed. And, like all great works of art, never ceases to reveal something of ourselves to us.